(Rob with wife Katherine, birth mother and birth grandmother)

NOTE: This was originally published in 2014. There is a significant update to the story down below.

 

Adoption. What can be someone’s most frightening decision can be another’s most amazing blessing. The one question I always get is “do you know your birth family?” Luckily over the years my answer to this question has changed and here’s how it happened.

 

I always knew I was adopted. Ever since I can remember, I’ve known. Sure there was a part of me that always wanted to know who was out there, but I didn’t think about it all the time.  I grew up in a great household and my parents didn’t care whether we shared the same bloodline, they loved me all the same. I can remember sometimes walking through the malls or grocery stores, spotting someone who maybe looked a bit like me and questioned “hmm… I wonder if we’re related?” It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I decided to get on the internet and see how difficult it would be to find someone who might be related to me; and it wasn’t all that difficult.

 

From paperwork my parents shared with me, I knew that my birth parents were both young. I didn’t decide to search out my birth family because I wanted to know ‘why’ or anything like that. I didn’t care why, I was just curious to see if anyone was out there. A simple Google search revealed an adoption registry in the province of Ontario where I grew up and was adopted. I thought about it for a few days and decided to register with the little information I knew. My birthdate and birthplace. I never thought I would ever hear anything back and went on living my life until 5 quick months later when I got a letter in the mail. There was a match.

 

 

Yup, while I was at Wendy’s eating lunch with a friend and going through my mail, I opened a letter that said they found a match with my birth mother. I can’t begin to describe the different emotions I felt after reading the first line of the letter, “I’m pleased to inform you that the Adoption Disclosure Registry has matched you with your birth mother.” Feelings of excitement and fear filled my mind as I rushed home to tell my parents over the phone. It was a difficult phone call to make because I didn’t know how they would take it. They always said they would support me if I ever wanted to seek out my birth family, but I still struggled with how to bring it up to them. You see my adoptive parents are my parents; nothing less. I didn’t want them to think I was out searching for replacements. Thankfully they were excited.

 

I exchanged a letter with my birth mother before passing along any identifying information. I was nervous about revealing too much information. Cautiously nervous, but after I received that first letter from her, I knew I definitely wanted to meet her. The 2nd letter I sent contained more personal information about me including my name and phone number. I was really excited to share my full name with her. You see, she named me Michael and my adoptive parents wanted to honor her so they kept that as my middle name. She was also excited to know that I still have a stuffed bear that she bought and gave to me from the hospital gift shop the day I was born and the last day she saw me. While my birth mother was excited by the stories I was sharing, I was just as excited to hear I have 3 half siblings, a grandmother and a niece.  In fact a few weeks after I sent her the 2nd letter, I got an email from one of my birth sisters and we chatted online all night. What an amazing experience. I had a whole family living 1 hour away from where I grew up. Heck, my adoptive cousin’s husband was a good friend with my birth family. How weird is that? For months letters, emails and pictures were exchanged, but then came the time to meet face to face and I’ve never been so nervous in my whole life.

 

Going back in time to the mid 1990’s, my birth mother had an aneurysm and had to re-learn how to do everything. The letters she sent me were done so with the help of a social worker. My birth sisters and brother explained that it was a tough time for everyone and though she would pull through, she would have no short term memory. In the summer of 2006, I packed a bag, got on a plane and headed to Ontario to meet my birth family. Of the 3 birth siblings, I talked to the oldest, Amanda, the most. We decided to meet up for a coffee just the two of us so we could chat in person before meeting everyone all at once. Meeting her face to face was a pretty cool experience. It was actually quite easy and felt like we had known each other our whole lives. We met up again the next day. She pulled up in a van full of people and the plan was to take me to her mom, my birth mother’s house. So here I am in a van with 2 of my birth sisters, 1 birth brother, an in-law and niece on my way to meet the woman who gave birth to me. I thought it would be a bit awkward, but it wasn’t at all. We seemed to have the same, weird sense of humour and all got along great! Then we started to slow down and turn into a driveway. I could feel a sinking sensation in my stomach as my hands started to tremble. We got out, walked up towards the door and there she was.

 

Because of her medical condition, I wasn’t sure how she would be and if she even knew who I was, but she did. We had a nice hug and went inside. She had a picture of me from the day I was born that she kept which I had never seen before. They told a story about how she always kept it in the house and no one was allowed to touch it. We shared stories for hours and then it was time to go home. Wow! It’s a day that I will never forget.

 

Many years later we still keep in touch. Since that day there has been a few nieces and nephews added and every time my wife and I head to Ontario to see my parents, we make time to visit with my birth family. It’s something we look forward to each year. All adoption stories are different. I happen to have a positive one and am so proud of my family and birth family equally.

 

After sharing this story for the very first time last year, I got the following message on Facebook. This is why I’m an ambassador for World Adoption Day and why I like to share my story. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or comments!

 

UPDATE: 2020 – In July 2019, Amazon was having a sale on 23 & Me DNA kits. I decided to get one because I was curious about what my background would come back as. 3 weeks later I got the results.  

Through the app, I was connected with hundreds of people that shared my DNA across North America and Europe. Now to my surprise, it said I shared DNA with someone who could possibly be my 1st cousin. How cool is that? I sent her a message through the app and about 2 months later, I got a reply. Could this be a clue to finding out who my birth father is? After chatting on and off for the day, she told me the name of her uncle and that was that. Of course I looked him up. He’s about the right age. He lives real close to where I was born. Hmm.. What should I do? He’s got a Facebook page. Actually, he has a few, but I believe I’ve tracked down the current one. A few months later, in December of 2019, I muster up the courage to send him a note through Facebook. But I don’t hear anything back; for quite some time.  

 

4 months go by. Nothing. But I get it. I usually ignore messages from people I don’t know either. It’s now April 2020 and my curiosity is at an all time high. I’ve spent hours on social media going through his friends, his posts and yes I know, it sounds very creepy, but I was so curious to know if maybe this is him. I stumble upon someone who I believe is his daughter. And guess what? We have mutual friends. Yes, the girl I believe to be his daughter and I have mutual friends. How weird is that? I asked our mutual friends about her a bit, then I decide to message her. Here we are, messaging back and forth as I rehash the whole story for her as I know it. The story, makes zero sense to her, but she’s so open and honest and accepting and decides to let her dad know that I was hoping to talk to him. And then, I get a message through Facebook from him.  

 

Oh boy. I can’t even tell you how excited, scared, nervous, happy I was when he messaged me. He asks when I wanted to talk to him so I rehash the story for him, much like I did with his daughter a few days prior. He responds with “I’m not sure what to say” and then “I think we’ll leave it at that for now.” Oh no. I probably overwhelmed him. He probably has no idea what I’m talking about. Now I’m doubting that it could be him. And doubting that I even brought it up. I mean I don’t even know if my birth dad knows about me. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe this isn’t him. 3 days later he sends me his phone number. My hand was shaking while trying to dial the numbers. It’s ringing. It’s ringing again. ‘Hello?’ Wow. We talk for about 30 mins on the phone. Another moment I’ll never forget. It’s a longer story, but he didn’t know he had a son. After the phone call we exchange photos, stories and more online. Suddenly I’m getting friend requests and messages from different people in his family and it’s all piecing together. For the past 7 months, we’ve been talking back and forth hoping the day where we can finally meet face to face happens sooner rather than later. COVID-19 has put a hault on any plans to travel back to Ontario, or for them to travel out here to BC. We’re going to be patient because when the moment comes that we can meet face to face, it will be that much more special.  

 

I can’t wait to update this story after we’ve all met in person!

 

If you have questions about adoption, please feel free to connect with me and don’t be shy. Happy to talk about my experiences in hopes that it will help you!  

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Filed under: adoption, family, story, world-adoption-day